Poems

Some Useful Formulas

 

From an article in the Times:

 

“Happiness is reality divided by expectation.”

 

And expectation is reality.

 

Minus reality.

 

Similarly, expectation is the square root of grief.

 

For grief is everything remembered plus everything else sort of remembered.

 

And grief, too, is the day times the night.

 

Also, grief is the “I” minus the “you,” written on the same page, in ink, in a competent,

rectangular hand, so that the “I” is both minus the “you” and seen in abject relation to the “you.” Perpetually.

 

Recall that grief too is prime, in that grief divides grief to equal one, or that grief divided by

one can only equal grief.

 

Take a breath: desire is the world minus the self.

 

And desire divided by the world yields a remainder of grief.

 

Take a day and add anger then divide by night. Often you get memory.

 

Take a memory and add a day then divide by anger. But don’t try this at home.

 

1 = different things in different places. Examples:

 

In America 1 = ∞.

 

In Russia 1 and ∞ = despair.

 

In Germany 1 = 1. Or else.

 

And In France 1 = France.

 

Take all of your regrets and multiply them by all of your detractors. Then add the night.

Subtract any hope and write “gratitude” in the margins, or somewhere in the header or the footer. This will take some time.

 

Take pride. But don’t do anything with it. It is of no use.

 

Or take pride and then add reality. See, I told you so.

 

Take a perfect evening—with Casablanca lilies in cut glass bowls and a mellow jazz

combo with everyone looking gorgeously edible in bias cut gowns and strappy shoes and good jewelry and perfect skin and even one stranger on the terrace in faded jeans with his tuxedo jacket open and his white-as-destiny shirt unbuttoned to the sternum while his tanned torso now V’s up and out of his shirt like the prow of a great ship, his jaw-line stubbled with three days of velvety growth.

 

Now, add vodka.

 

You will suddenly have everything you’ve ever wanted turn into everything you actually have which will, if you’re anything like me, and in a matter of five minutes or so, turn into everything you’ve lost.

 

Shame and greed are on different trains. They both leave the station at 1 PM and greed is

traveling at $480 per hour. Typical.

 

Take envy and arrange it to look like shame. People might like you a little more.

 

Again, take envy and plot it on the following graph:

x axis: other people’s triumphs
y axis: other people’s joy.
The line will rise up perfectly straight and at a 45 degree angle.
This is the Slope of Envy.
It is a constant.
And infinite.

 

Lust, shame and despair all walk into a bar. Each asks the bartender to send you a

over a drink with a note that says “You—

 

Do the math.”